Title : Break Up Recovery - What to Do If Your Ex Girlfriend/boyfriend Was Genuine and Sincere
Link : Break Up Recovery - What to Do If Your Ex Girlfriend/boyfriend Was Genuine and Sincere
Break Up Recovery - What to Do If Your Ex Girlfriend/boyfriend Was Genuine and Sincere
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This is not a section most people happen to read. So if you are here,you have found someone special - one who loves you and cares for you.Now its time to try for a make up. In this situation it would be betteryou ask the question WHY? to yourself. It may be time for aself-discovery.The greatest mistake is not MAKING A MISTAKE, but refraining from correcting it
Analyze yourself. It may be your concept, your principle, yourbehaviour, anything that ruined the relationship. Just take a break,and think the whole route through which your relationship has come.Discover where all he/she attempted desperately to make things workwhen you simply sat idle. Discover the situations when you took your exfor granted - just like another furniture or vegetable. If you reallywant your love back, you might have to make a few corrections toyourself too.
Realizing where all you went wrong:
It may be your lack of adjustment:
"Love is not putting in 50% from one side and the exact 50% from theother. Its just putting in 100% effort from both sides. But keep inmind - BOTH SIDES"
Im stressing on adjusting more than anything because that was thebiggest mistake I made during my first love. I was a verrrrry stubbornguy who in fact was proud of it. When we are stubborn we never realizehow much trouble and pain it causes to those around us. By the time werealize things, time would have already flewn too much.
Identify the person as a human with his/her likes & dislikes. Thesimplest solution is to imagine yourself in your exs shoes. And thinkof your ex girlfriend/boyfriend being tooo stubborn. How terrible youwould feel? The biggest problem is that when we are being stubborn, weget soo blind that we even fail to realize that we are stubborn. Norelationship on this planet is complete, perfect or even close. Thefactor that still makes relationships fruitful is adjustment.
It may be simply your ego & power play
Power play is when one person starts handling the situation, virtuallyleaving the other powerless. It can be either through physicaldomination, mental or emotional pressures. But when power play comesinto relationships, there starts grumbling and discontent. Realizingyour partners weakness, when you start tuning the relationship and itsdirection according to your likes / dislikes then we can say that youare using power play.
The remedy to this too is nothing but seeing the situation from theother persons perspective. You can understand how suffocated you wouldfeel if your partner starts tuning things in his/her favor. Arelationship is not a war. No situation can be controlled through powereffectively and permanently. Temporary results may be obtained if youuse power. But it wont last. I have read somewhere that Only worldnations and children adopt power to control situations. Wise peoplenever do that.
It may be your attitude
No body is born with principles and concepts. They are acquired,cultivated and developed. Your principles may be valuable for you butnot necessarily for others. Nazis had their racialist principles.Saddam Hussein had his despotic principles. Even Bin-Laden would havehis own set of terrorist concepts. How many of these can we accept andadmire? Very few. Why? Its just because we have a different set ofprinciples and concepts. Admitting this fact is the key to the successof a relationship. No two people are made out of the same mould by god.No two are identical. So why are we being so stubborn that othersshould live by our principles and concepts? Adjustment is the key. Butit has a limit of course. For example if one person believes inspending his/her life for charity and the other is out there to conquerthe whole rich and fame in the world, the partnership can never reachcommon grounds. Think which all areas you can adjust to reach a commonground. Maximize your adjustment now if your partner has already madehis/her share of adjustment.
Remember one thing. Your principles at this moment may turn out to bethings that you will laugh at when you look back sometime in thefuture. Never ruin relationships simply for blindly beholding yourprinciples and concepts. Put them into a re-examination. Weigh them andconclude what is important and what is not.
It may be your behaviour
Do unto others what you would have them do unto you - Holy Bible.Following this commandment will make your life virtually trouble-free.Many people when they are in a relationship behave like tyrants oncethey get angry - so was I. Rarely do we realize how much trouble itcauses to the person who virtually become our punching bags. Recollecthow many times you did the same to your ex girlfriend/ boyfriend. Ifyour display of anger was in public, consider the impact as ten-folds.Nobody can be like jesus Christ, I admit. But controlling your temperis of course possible. If you keep on throwing your anger and behavelike a tyrant, the love your lover has for you, turns into a kind offear gradually. What would eventually happen? He/She would run awayfrom you. The equation is as simple as that.
In addition to anger, so many other behavior problems can bring arelationship to the verge of a break up. Demanding too much love andattention is one of them. Your lover should not be loving you based onyour demand. If it happens, the love gradually loses its sweetness. Letyour lover love you whole heartedly without any pressures. Keep awayfrom his/her space and freedom. People having possessiveness problemusually would have a background of lacking love and care. If you areone of them, remember that your love is not the only thing that keepsyour lover alive. Before you came into your lovers life, he/she hadrelationships which he/she needs to keep alive and warm always. Inaddition to your love and care, they might need the love from theirfamily and friends. You cant feed your puppy 24X7 with milk justbecause milk is rich in calcium. Always keep things balanced - the loveyou give and the love you receive.
If you try hard with sincerity and determination, you can definitelyeliminate a majority of these problems and become a better person. Giveyour self ample time during the process.
If your problem is concerning anger, you can practice meditation oryoga. Work outs can also help you control your temper. Also seek yourfamilys support and cooperation. Possessiveness is something that takestime to eliminate or reduce. First thing that truly helps is to seekother sources of love and attention - from family, friends etc. Get abit distant from your partner (if you are not already) and live a lifeyourself. Learn to be happy even when you are alone. Have your owncircle of friends. Flirting wont harm either. Spend lot of time withfamily. When you start receiving love from others and learn to be happyeven when you are alone, you wont demand too much love from yourpartner. When the demand and suffocation is gone, the love you receivewill be more natural and will be less straining to the giver.
It may be truly because you are running on parallel tracks It is prettydifficult to live a married life without having a common ground betweenthe partners. This parallel track problem arises when love starts fromthe physical aspects rather than true mutual understanding. To livetogether happily, physical attraction is required, ofcourse, but inaddition to that, there needs to be a mutual admiration, respect andsound and clear communication. If all you love in your partner is howhe/she looks, double-check your love. Have you mistaken love for lust?Give it a very serious thought. If you share no common interests, andspending time with him/her doesnt mean the world to you, therelationship doesnt seem to hold any future.
In order to find how compatible you are, all you would need to do isrecollect how wonderful you felt when you were with the person. If thejoy you have outweighs the quarrels you make by a significant margin,you dont have to perform a dissection on the relationship to find outif it is compatible or not. Some people perform post-mortem on a brokenrelationship with such a vigour and fury that they finds each and everyfaults in it, surpassing even an opposition lawyer and makes the finaljudgment sheet of incompatibility. Such people believe in perfection injust about anything. Even if they makeup after a break up, greaterchances are they would bring any relation back into a divorce.
If your heart says, you two can make it work, trust that. Let you beguided by your heart in the matters of love. If you strongly feel thatthe adjustment needs to be from your partners side, dont hesitate toask for that. If you are having serious compatibility problems evenafter both of you having tried to adjust, then it may be time torealize that a breakup is unavoidable.
Article Tags: Would Have, Power Play, Love From
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